On Motherhood

July 10, 2019

 On the subject of motherhood…

There are literally thousands, millions of topics to explore. But today I was hoping to address one of them (something I have been asked by readers many times): whether we intend to have only one child or not.

The short answer is: I would love to have a second child and to experience motherhood all over again.

Lucia’s infancy was a veritable blur. The newness, the adventures (they could fill a whole book with real comedy), the overwhelming sense of happiness and worry all in one. If I got to experience it a second time, I would do my best to savor each and every moment, truly.

We had a miscarriage almost two years ago (I wrote about that here). And since then, I have seen too many “negatives” on the little test than I care to count. There is real disappointment and sadness surrounding this, and I know it is an experience that all too many women share in common with me.

I come from a family of two children; my husband’s parents had four. We always loved the idea of having two children. But here is where I think I’m at: we are so lucky to have Lucia and if it doesn’t work out for us then I will count my blessings and do my best to raise this little girl to be a caring, kind citizen of the world.

That she could be an only child shouldn’t really matter.

xx

***

On me: 
Dress (now on sale here; more sizes in the same style but this lovely print here; it runs large so size down!)
Hat (here)

On Lucia:
Dress (here)
Shoes (here; PS: if you are on the hunt for a pair of sandals for kids that don’t cause blisters or pain – I bought Lucia this pair and they are her most comfortable non-sneaker shoes!)

Wishlisting:


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comments

  • Elaine says:

    Only children totally rock and I think they end up having a special bond with their parents without any siblings (speaking from experience as an only child myself). I plan to have only one myself and am savouring each delicious moment as my child grows.

    • Anh says:

      Aw! I love hearing that!! Thank you so so much for sharing. It’s so comforting to hear, especially from an only child as well! xx

  • yettie says:

    Thanks for sharing. I’ve been on this journey too. I pray you get your heart’s desire in His perfect time.

  • Jessica says:

    We have made the decision to have an only child, my husband mainly, and I have agreed. She is almost 9. I think the stress, worry, and hard work in raising a child scared him, and I knew having another child would just break and tear our marriage apart. So far, I feel like it has been the best decision we ever made. She is the most kind, gentle, and unselfish soul. We feel lucky to be able to provide her all our love, attention and resources. Things never turn out the way you expected, I had always imagined myself to have 2 children as well. But like you said, we should count our blessings and cherish the moments we have. Sometimes things are a “blessing in disguise.”

    • Anh says:

      Hi Jessica, thank you so much for sharing!! I love your perspective on everything, including marriage! It’s all so true. Thanks again. xx

  • Liz says:

    I was in your same shoes, but my son is now 24 years old. He was about 8 when I finally embraced the reality of having one child. I chose to focus on all of the positives to having just one and that really helped. He is now a well adjusted kind adult and I wouldn’t change a thing.❤️

  • Angela says:

    Anh, I’ve been a (quiet) long-time follower of yours and from one mother of an only with an equally complicated fertility history to (possibly) another, if it doesn’t work out, it’s okay to let that balloon go. I found myself pregnant with our son after several miscarriages and a round of IVF. He just turned six and being his mother is truly one of the greatest joys of my life. Our journey has been slightly different. After a difficult pregnancy (placenta previa and a need for daily blood thinners due to a clotting disorder), and with a very active little boy we weren’t as certain that we wanted to try again. When he became a toddler, the pressure mounted as his friends at daycare became older siblings, but our family of three just felt right. We did ultimately try again as I felt increasingly guilty due to all of the comments, questions and sideways glances from people who barely knew us (without scientific intervention), but that pregnancy resulted in a blighted ovum and a DNC, which I wouldn’t wish on anyone. That was when we knew that our instincts were correct and it just wasn’t meant to be. And you know what? That’s okay. Our son is happy and thriving. If it doesn’t happen for you, Lucia will be just fine because she has wonderful parents who love her. Despite what “other people say” that is truly all that matters. But I wish you peace and joy wherever your family planning goes.

    • Anh says:

      Hi Angela, thank you so so much for sharing your journey. I can’t imagine going through all that you have, and still your perspective and attitude towards it all is inspiring. I love that. Thank you again. xx

  • Alz says:

    As some who went through years of trying for a child anyone blessed with having succeeded in having a child is definitely lucky.

  • Carol C says:

    Thank you so much for posting this. As a mother of a 5 year old, we we constantly getting the nudges and winks from everyone, and I know they are not I’ll intentioned, but they do sting. Every few months that go yu without a positive on the test, I know my son is getting older and I miss it. (If that makes any sense!)

    We decided last year to donate all the baby things we’d been holding onto. They were a source of stress. When and if it happens, it will be a joyful purchase. Until then, life is amazing and we have an amazing little one who we get to experience life with!

  • Elizabeth T. says:

    Really love your perspective on the matter! I grew up as an only child, and I think there are definitely pros and cons being an only child vs. having siblings. As long as you and your family are happy and content, that’s what really matters 🙂

    XO, Elizabeth T.
    BLOG | YOUTUBE | INSTAGRAM

  • victoria says:

    Thank you for sharing this. My daughter is 4 and an only child and we also get asked often about a sibling. My husband and I are so grateful for our little girl and love our triangle family xx

  • Tiffany says:

    Dear Anh,

    Thank you for sharing. I absolutely understand the pain of miscarriage and seemingly innocently being asked about more children, when in truth it’s a hurt you are quietly already dealing with. I found that not only was it heart breaking to see the “-“, but I also found the week of my period difficult, because *everytime* I used the washroom that week I was reminded of what I wanted but was not happening. If what could be, but wasn’t.

    I don’t think of Lucia as an only child – but, rather, a beautiful and lucky daughter with wonderful, loving and inspiring parents.

    Love and much hugs, friend.
    Tiffany