The ‘M’ Word

February 7, 2018

 It’s been almost 3 months since we got rear-ended on the freeway and we finally have our car back from the repair shop. It is just a car but what it really is, is closure on a personal matter. Because on the very morning of the car accident, I had taken an at-home pregnancy test and gotten the “Pregnant” news. I had already felt some changes in my body which prompted me to take the test. Validated. And ecstatic. Second time around means my instincts are right, right?

Well, fast forward to a (stressful) week or two after the accident and I woke up in the early morning to cramping. A whole lot of cramping. I guess my instincts were right, but my mind and my heart pushed it aside. I lay in bed for a few hours to avoid the trip to the bathroom…

Miscarriage is common. But you never really think it’ll happen to you. What followed: weeks of sadness and anger, a month of dealing with the physical symptoms, and multiple trips to the doctor and lab for follow-up. And my experience was on the easy side – I was only 6 weeks pregnant after all.

I mentioned my miscarriage in an earlier post in January, but wasn’t ready to tackle it in words just yet. But I’m ready now. I’m guilty of one of my main takeways from the experience: why don’t we talk about it more? If it is so common, why is it so commonly a secret? Let’s change that, once and for all.

Thinking of all the mamas who have experienced this and sending all my love. xx

***

Sweater (here)
Skirt (bought it here | similar styles priced high to low: here for $17, this one will sell out because it’s only $55, here for $168 and here for $248)
Denim Jacket (old but got it here | similar here for $148)
Heels (bought it here | on consignment here and in black here)
Purse (found an olive green version on consignment for $740 here)
Earrings (here)


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  • Dear Anh,

    Thank you for this post.
    My partner and I had planned our first pregnancy, were absolutely ecstatic when we got a positive test, followed all the recommendation and, unfortunately, lost our baby at 11 weeks.
    We were so, so angry at the world, until we started sharing our experience with colleagues, friends and family and found out that about 90% of them had experienced a miscarriage in the past.
    You are right, we should talk about it more!

  • So sorry to hear about your experience, yes we should talk about it more because we are not alone and it is far more common than we think. Sending you all the love xo.

    xo
    Pinksole

  • My heart goes out to you. I know how hard this is, I’ve had 2 miscarriages..and 3 beautiful babies after wards. It was so hard when people would say, “You were only in your first trimester “..A baby is a baby and a mother’s heart knows this. Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve. I always enjoy your posts because unlike so many others, it’s always in good taste. Thank you

    • Hi Melanie, thank you so much for sharing. And so happy to hear that you’ve had 3 beautiful babies afterwards. You are giving me hope! xx

  • My heart goes out to you. I know how hard this is, I’ve had 2 miscarriages..and 3 beautiful babies after wards. It was so hard when people would say, “You were only in your first trimester “..A baby is a baby and a mother’s heart knows this. Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve. I always enjoy your posts because unlike so many others, it’s always in good taste. Thank you.

  • Great that you have spoken up about this but I’m really feeling sorry for you and the miscarriage. No matter at how many weeks it happens, it’s always a huge loss and very hard on every woman, physically and mentally. I hope that your luck will be better and that when the time is right, you’ll have a great pregnancy and another little munchkin joining your family. 🙂

    https://lartoffashion.com

  • I thought the same thing when I experienced my first but not last miscarriage…and when opening up to others to explain my sorrow and distraction…realized so many go through the same thing. It is common and it is not shared or known or talked about enough. It makes the experience harder. Well done for being able to bring it up – and to be short and sweet about it. XO.

  • My heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been. Thank you for always being open and sharing your experiences with your readers.

    PS: LOVE this beautiful outfit.

  • Love and hugs to you, hubby, and Lucia. Sharing our vulnerabilities is why brings strength to us and others.
    Tiffany, Josephine and Clara

  • Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is a tough subject and one that is so hard to talk about, so it is all the more appreciated that you have decided to speak about it. Wishing you and your family all the best!!!

    • Hi Louise, thank you!! So glad to have shared too – there are so many supportive women out there with similar experiences. xx

  • I’m grateful for your courage…I experienced miscarriages 8 yrs ago..I was crushed by sadness, solitude and a sense of failure. It shouldn’t be this way. I pray that you find the support and care you need on your journey to expanding your family.

  • Thank you for sharing your story. I can only imagine how difficult it is to open up about such an experience. You’re absolutely right, we should all be more open about miscarriages and other heartbreaking experiences women face through their journey of motherhood. I think it helps yourself and others heal as best as they can knowing one is not alone. You’ve inspired me to be more open (and perhaps find closure) with my traumatizing experience post birth in hopes that other women can also find some sort of emotional support from everyone’s story.

    • Hi Nina, thank you so much for your note. So well said. I’m so sorry for your experience and I hope you are able to find closure as well. xx

  • I am so sorry for your loss Anh. It’s heartbreaking to have a miscarriage, and I know, because I had one myself when we were trying for our third. I was 8 weeks along but it didn’t matter, it was so sad and hard. I remember part of the darkness felt so hard because I felt incredibly alone. Even with my husband there for me! Somehow it just felt like he couldn’t quite relate to what I was going through just due to sheer gender differences. I am so glad you opened up! It feels better just to know you are not alone. You are brave, inspiring and so kind to do this! Sending you so much love and a billion hugs!

  • You are more beautiful in person! I was inside the frozen yogurt shop on the corner with my boys when I saw you walk by outside. I thought you looked sooo familiar and then it hit me. I haven’t had much time to read blogs these days but remembered you and had to look you up and YUP, I was right. It was you! What a heartfelt post, one that hits close to home. Keep doing what you do. You’re an inspiration. xoxo

  • Fernanda Abreu says:

    I´m so sorry to hear about it…and also so grateful for your courage and generosity in sharing your story. My thoughts, prayers and heart are with you. <3

  • I’m so sorry; thanks for sharing your experience. I’ve been there myself, with a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy after my first child was born. It was sad and stressful, and very isolating for some reason. It’s good to talk about it. (And, happily, we eventually welcomed a second child, and I can’t imagine our family any other way now.)

  • I’m sorry for your. Thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing. You are not alone and help make us all feel less alone.

  • Hello- thank you for sharing. Your timing on sharing your experience is a gift to me. I lost my baby this Wednesday at 8 weeks. It’s my first miscarriage, and I don’t know if I have ever grieved like this. What I’m most amazed by is how quickly other women have disclosed their own losses when I have talked about it (mostly the ladies that work at my OBGYN). Thanks for your willingness to make a common experience for women less taboo. Praying for your continued healing and for blessings in the days to come.

  • Thank you for sharing your experience and starting a conversation about this. I had a miscarriage at ~6 weeks as well. It was devastating, but I found that talking about it with friends and family helped. It was tough at first because Asian people tend to be private about personal matters. It’s important to talk about it and remove any stigma or shame around it because these things happen; it’s no one’s fault.

  • So sorry to hear this, Anh.

    I miscarried between my first and second babies…..many years ago. I felt at the time that people didn’t really understand how much I was grieving for this little person that never was. It takes time to recover both physically and emotionally. And yes, it is more common than many women realize. At the time my doctor said that many women don’t even know that they were pregnant…..they just thought they were late.

    ***Hugs***

  • So sorry to hear about your miscarriage, Ahn. I think nobody talks about it because it’s an awkward situation. One of my friends once said, “there is nothing like dashed hopes,’ and this is exactly how I felt after all 4 of my miscarriages. A feeling of overwhelming joy is soon replaced by anger and despair. Once it’s over, people will act like it never happened. But I knew it happened; that I once had a life growing inside me and I mourned for the person that I would never know. I took comfort in my amazing child—my one successful pregnancy—and years later, in my beautiful second child whom we adopted from China. So take comfort in the fact that there are many of us out here who truly know your pain, and we are on your side! Condolences and best wishes to you and I hope that you will soon find yourself pregnant again!

  • Not a lot of bloggers would raise this topic. It’s courageous and generous of you to share this very personal story with your readers, many of whom have had similar experiences. Thank you for using this platform to have these substantial conversations, and of course for sharing your elegant style.

  • Dear Ahn, LT reader, first comment. I’m so sorry for your loss and I appreciate you raising the issue. Yes, it’s common and that’s why I think so few people think it’s worth bringing up. Maybe they feel silly bringing it up and that’s unfortunate. Maybe you’re doing something to change that. It’s devastating any time it happens and I’m so sorry it happened to you. Treat yourself extra gently. You deserve it. You’re a lovely person inside and out. Sorry I have no wonderful words of wisdom but I wanted to say I’m so sorry!

  • I read some more posts and wanted to say oh– do have lots of hope. I had MANY miscarriages. Some probably don’t “count” as miscarriages but are rather called “chemical pregnancies” where there is a very brief pregnancy, just long enough for a positive pregnancy test, but the pregnancy does not continue. Some were full blown miscarriages. I’m writing to add that I had two children after all of those problems. (Did not need fertility treatment) and I had them when I was 39 and 41! Definitely don’t lose hope!

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  • Hi Anh, I’m so sorry to hear about this, and you are not alone. It’s tough to grieve for someone you’ve never met. When I finally got pregnant in 2016, I had a lot of bleeding and cramping that wouldn’t go away… my doctor thought the baby would make it, but I finally lost her at 11.5 weeks. I named her Poppy because she was the size of a poppy seed when I found out I was pregnant. I don’t know how I know she was a girl – I just do. She’s gone now but her memory is always with me, and I know that if she had been meant to be, things would have been different. It’s heartbreaking but there is a time and a season to every purpose under heaven… your time for joy will also come. 🙂 I now have a 6-month old and he is an absolute wonder.

  • I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage Anh.
    I relate to this story, all except for the fact that I always thought it would happen to me. This is rather peculiar, I know but I think I hoped for the best but expected the worst. I had a stillborn baby a couple of years ago, then a healthy baby girl (now 16 months), then a miscarriage.
    I agree that we shouldn’t be so silent about this. We women have to go through so much and it seems that we only talk about the “good stuff”. I feel the same way about birth injuries – it’s very common for women to have lasting physical issues post the birth of their child which can be mentally and physically tough to deal with, yet no one really talks about it.

    Wishing you all the very best for your continued recovery and baby blessings in the future. After my initial loss I didn’t think I would know the pleasure of motherhood, that there must be something seriously wrong – but do hang in there as you never really know what is around the corner.

    x